mal’s Weblog











I just had to share the following piece of writing by a Rape Victim who survived to truly live the next 32 years.
Note: I have added stuff where I felt was the need, in “[]”. Stuff in bold is something I endorse.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After being raped, I was wounded; My honour was not.
-Sohaila Abdulali

Sohaila Abdulali

Sohaila Abdulali

“When I fought to live that night, I hardly knew what I was fighting for. A male friend and I had gone for a walk up a mountain near my home. Four armed men caught us and made us climb to a secluded spot, where they raped me for several hours, and beat both of us. They argued among themselves about whether or not to kill us, and finally let us go.

At 17, I was just a child. Life rewarded me richly for surviving. I stumbled home, wounded and traumatized, to a fabulous family. With them on my side, so much came my way. I found true love. I wrote books. I saw a kangaroo in the wild. I caught buses and missed trains. I had a shining child. The century changed. My first gray hair appeared.

Too many others will never experience that. They will not see that it gets better, that the day comes when one incident is no longer the central focus of your life. One day you find you are no longer looking behind you, expecting every group of men to attack. One day you wind a scarf around your throat without having a flashback to being choked. One day you are not frightened anymore.

Rape is horrible. But it is not horrible for all the reasons that have been drilled into the heads of Indian women. It is horrible because you are violated, you are scared, someone else takes control of your body and hurts you in the most intimate way. It is not horrible because you lose your “virtue.” It is not horrible because your father and your brother are dishonored. I reject the notion that my virtue is located in my vagina, just as I reject the notion that men’s brains are in their genitals.

If we take honor out of the equation, rape will still be horrible, but it will be a personal, and not a societal, horror. We will be able to give women [or men] who have been assaulted what they truly need: not a load of rubbish about how they should feel guilty or ashamed, but empathy for going through a terrible trauma [just like any other trauma, such as robbery, accident, illness, earthquake, etc].

The week after I was attacked, I heard the story of a woman who was raped in a nearby suburb. She came home, went into the kitchen, set herself on fire and died. The person who told me the story was full of admiration for her selflessness in preserving her husband’s honor. Thanks to my parents, I never did understand this.

The law has to provide real penalties for rapists and protection for victims, but only families and communities can provide this empathy and support. How will a teenager participate in the prosecution of her rapist if her family isn’t behind her? How will a wife charge her assailant if her husband thinks the attack was more of an affront to him than a violation of her?

At 17, I thought the scariest thing that could happen in my life was being hurt and humiliated in such a painful way. At 49, I know I was wrong: the scariest thing is imagining my 11-year-old child being hurt and humiliated. Not because of my family’s honor, but because she trusts the world and it is infinitely painful to think of her losing that trust. When I look back, it is not the 17-year-old me I want to comfort, but my parents. They had the job of picking up the pieces.

This is where our work lies, with those of us who are raising the next generation. It lies in teaching our sons and daughters to become liberated, respectful adults who know that men who hurt women are making a choice, and will be punished.

When I was 17, I could not have imagined thousands of people marching against rape in India, as we have seen these past few weeks. And yet there is still work to be done. We have spent generations constructing elaborate systems of patriarchy, caste and social and sexual inequality that allow abuse to flourish. But rape is not inevitable, like the weather. We need to shelve all the gibberish about honor and virtue and did-she-lead-him-on and could-he-help-himself. We need to put responsibility where it lies: on men who violate women, and on all of us who let them get away with it while we point accusing fingers at their victims.”

– Sohaila Abdulali.



I recently had the opportunity to interview a handful of candidates for a few internship positions at my employer’s.

The experience made me realize a few things, the most painfully obvious one being the fact that I am alhamdolillah one of the few lucky ones to have been trained at one of the best business schools in the country and region, for the corporate toughness to come my way. Another thing I realized was that no matter how much one reads about the Do’s and Don’ts of the Corporate World in a classroom setting, or at an employer’s Campus Recruitment Drive, some things stick with you only after you experience them (as the recipient, or as the poor soul who happens to be the butt of cruel misfortune).

Yet another thing I realized was how far behind Pakistan (the relatively faster metropolitan cities included) is on the Human Resources front of the business world.

I am thus penning down the following interview tips with the intention of spreading some awareness for those less fortunate than us, as well as to serve as a reminder to those of us who tend to become a little complacent.

Naming your resumes:

I remember one of my faculty members pointing out to us how job/internship applicants tend to keep improving our resumes, and our tendency to save each updated version as something along the lines of, “CV_final_final_FINAL.doc”. While it clicked immediately when pointed out back in classroom setting, and while recruitment processes of some large MNC’s have guided us regarding how to title our resumes a little more professionally than we would consciously remember to, the true irritability of this struck me when I received some 4 dozen resumes myself, most of them titled in a similar fashion. The proud OCD-victim that I am, I was probably the one off case who actually sat down to rename each resume according to the Applicant name and position applied for. But I assure you there are very few who have the time and energy to do that for you. I was lucky I hardly had 50 resumes to go through, over a small application window. It wouldn’t be surprising if someone at a large company that allows you 2 months window to apply simply overlooks a resume titled in such generic a fashion. Or worse, imagine your resume getting lost because a resume with the exact same title already exists in the folder!

A common rule of thumb that groomed professionals prefer and promote is something along the lines of “Resume_Your Name_Position Applied for + Year_Company Name”. If that becomes too long, the least one could do is use a simple “Resume_Full Name” format.

Further tips on naming your resumes:
1. Please refrain from using all CAPS.
2. Please refrain even harder from using mixed case in your resume title! Case in point: “fIRST NAME LAST Name with pic.doc” – please, no. Another case in point: “Cv hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.doc”. Seriously?

During this recruitment experience of mine, I received a resume (for an internship based in Karachi, offered by a company based and operating in Karachi), from someone studying in London, and “willing to come to Karachi if offered the internship” – I couldn’t tell whether it was plain silliness or actual desperation. Plus, I could not afford to, and would not bother calling someone seven seas afar, only for an internship.

Using pictures in your resume:

The world over, it is being increasingly acknowledged that adding a picture to your resume is generally discouraged as it adds to a bias. Studies have shown that good looking people are at a natural advantage, not matter how unfair it seems. It is also generally advised that unless the position you are applying for specifically requires your face and demeanor to look acceptable according to certain industry standards (such as for models, or air host/hostesses, or people in the service industry in general), a picture should not be used on your resume.

Pakistan on the other hand, is not only far behind on the Human Resources Development aspect of the corporate world, but also happens to be in a very confused place itself. While there are MNC’s operating on International Standards, a large number of employers/recruiters/interviewers belong to the same old desi seth mentality where they consider it appropriate (for different reasons), for a photo to be included on a resume.

In such a scenario, the best option is to do your research on the company you are applying to. If the company claims to operate on international standards, or is reputed to be absolutely professional, then it is safe not to include your photo in your resume. But if you are applying to a lesser known or a known-to-be-seth-desi-type of an employer, then it is safer to include that passport shot. Do note however, to keep the photo itself as professional as possible (well-kept hair, not grinning beyond reason, not photoshopped beyond required – just a pleasant glimpse of what you look like as a professional).

Receiving a Call for Interview:

1. First off, please do yourself the favor of providing the employer/recruiter with a functioning and correct and complete number! ‘Nuff said.

2. Equally importantly, please ensure that the phone number you provide in your resume for recruiters to get in touch with you is always switched on and accessible! Yes it is possible to run out of battery, or to be in a low-to-no-signal area for the exact amount of time when the recruiter happens to call you. But recruiters today give you at least 2-3 calls over a spread out period of time in case you are unable to answer the phone call the first time. Recruiters today understand that you could be in the shower, or on the road, or in an elevator/basement without signal, or in a meeting or class. But you can’t expect every recruiter to show you the kindness of trying to reach you on a phone that they find to be consistently switched off…over a week!

Answer yourself this: who wants the job/internship? You, not the recruiter. Who has more options? The recruiter, not you.

Someone who is on the road in heavy, noisy traffic but answers the phone and requests a call back in an hour or so, like any professional would, leaves a much better impression (and secures a higher chance of a call-back) than someone who chooses to ignore the call altogether.

3. We understand what a nuisance prank callers can be, and we have developed a certain precaution around unknown numbers. But if the unknown number seems to be a landline, please do yourself the favor of answering it at least once. It is likely to be a recruiter. If it is a cellular number calling, and is not testing your patience with missed calls or cheap texts, and is in fact ringing consistently, please do yourself the favor and answer it at least once. It could be a recruiter.

4. When you apply for some opportunity, please keep a tab on all the places and positions you applied to. Do not ask the recruiter who gives you a call to invite you for an interview, things such as, “Which company is this?”, “What position is this?”, “What is the JD of this position?” and so on. Major turnoff. Especially when all these things have already been advertised for your benefit – based on which you applied in the first place.
While on the one hand it does make sense that you may have applied to 20 different places in your desperation or in your less than strategic job/internship application plan, the least you could do after randomly applying to a million places is to keep a tab on all those places. Yup, the onus of that responsibility is on you. The even more basic courtesy you can do yourself is to listen to what the caller just said, which on a standard basis includes information on who they are, where they are calling from and why.

5. When a recruiter calls you to invite you to an interview (a first interview, for an internship), please refrain from asking, over the phone, what the timings would be and whether there would be a stipend and how much if so. Graciously accept the interview call, ask more important questions such as where the office is located where you are required to appear for the interview, whether there is something you need to bring along, what time are you required to report, and so on, rather than make the recruiter wish to simply hang up on you. Save these questions for the interview. And the end of the interview at that. Preferably if the interview goes well.
[Note: generally speaking, leave all questions pertaining to the working conditions and remuneration et al for the end of the final interview or when an offer is made. Or, if these things are so important to you, do your research at home, not in the recruiter’s face].

Showing up for the Interview:

1. The most important thing you need to do for this step is to show up. All other things, such as showing up 10 minutes before the reporting time, or dressing appropriately, or keeping a copy of your resume and the job description handy, and such, are quite secondary. Make sure you show up on the said day and date. If you do not show up, not every recruiter will be kind enough to give you a call to check up on you.

Case in point: So I schedule an interview for this lady, and we agree on the time and day/date. On the day of the interview, she is an hour late, and when my expectations of her giving me a call asking for help on directions are not met, I call her myself, only to hear, “Isn’t it off today?” (it was a Saturday). Coming from the background of leading business schools, I should have saved my own time and energy and just hung up. But perhaps curiosity got the better of me and I asked her, “Why would I schedule an interview if it was off?” When she was lost for words, I further probed, “Why would you not show up and ask me this question upon my re-calling you, rather than confirm when I was offering you this time slot 3 days ago?”. I was met with sheepish responses and requests for a rescheduling, and I told her I would consider her case. Needless to say, before I could return to her case, I found a match for the opening and I did not feel the need to bother myself any further.

2. Oh and by the way, if you are late and miss your slot, please do yourself the favor of not demanding (yes you read that right) to be interviewed according to the schedule. If you miss your turn, you go to the end of the line and wait like every other candidate. If you have to be somewhere else, evaluate your priorities and make your choice.

During the Interview:

1. If you do not know the answer to a question, aerial firing is definitely the worse option than politely and genuinely admitting that you do not know the answer. There are ways to accept/acknowledge lack of information/knowledge without coming across as a failure. It is okay not to know something, or to forget something basic in the nervous moment of being interviewed. In fact, some ways actually make you gain further points in such scenarios. But aerial firing – please refrain! Do yourself, and those belonging to the same institute as you, this favor.

2. Why would you ask the interviewer what to do in case you receive a better offer from elsewhere? Is s/he your university student counselor? Wait…why don’t you know the answer to this question yourself?

3. When being interviewed for a job opening, please do not ask the interviewer about the car company policy. Please also do not . Most certainly not during the first interview. First interviews are usually arranged for recruiters/interviewers to gauge the person-job-organizational fit. Further 1-2 interviews are scheduled to confirm the candidate-LineManager fit, and to make the offer.
Only at the stage of an offer being made should you take the risk of trying to negotiate. Then too, know the art of negotiating. The only other point where you can bring up the package your current employer is offering you is if the interviewer/recruiter asks/requests you.
Do yourself the favor and do not rub that car in the interviewer’s face during your (first) interview. If your current employer is about to give you a car shortly, why are you job-hunting elsewhere anyway? Is it just me, or are you actually more worried about what you get out of a professional relationship rather than realize the win-win such relationships need to be? You know what’s worse than that impression? The fact that all that you are looking at is short-term physical benefits.

Now, after knowing the Don’ts, if you google the Do’s, you’d be in a much better position to fight for that position. Good luck!



{March 8, 2013}   the rape philosophy

helplessness = power over other

helplessness = power over other

This post stirred many a thoughts once I happened upon this piece. I would like to disclaim here that there is a lot more that can be further elaborated upon, and that toward the end I might sound like preaching (especially from an Islamic point of view), but 1. had I been preaching like a holier than thou saint I would not sometimes be found clad in tomboy clothes or I would be a regular head scarf-er etc; 2. I am merely putting down my thoughts as my mind untangles those threads and answers questions in light of my life and my study of life so far, even if it sounds like a conclusion, which it is in a way. I would also like to disclaim here that I do not expect everyone to spring into some realization and agree with me and my conclusion and adopt it.

There is A LOT to be said and understood about how sexual violence works. But in light of the above special-focus topic of ..I will limit this post of mine to a single aspect of sexual violence: rape.

It is men who have given rise to rape, and women are not to be blamed. Read the rest of this entry »



“Marina Abramović, “Rhythm 0,” 1974

Marina Abramović

Marina Abramović

Marina Abramović is best known for her performance pieces, in which she tries to explore what is possible for an artist to do in the name of art. Her best known piece was the recent “The Artist Is Present,” in which she sat motionless for 736.5 hours over the course of three months, inviting visitors to sit opposite her and make eye contact for as long as they wanted. So many people began spontaneously crying across from her that blogs and Facebook groups were set up for those people. 

Her bravest piece, however, is my favorite. This piece was primarily a trust exercise, in which she told viewers she would not move for six hours no matter what they did to her. She placed 72 objects one could use in pleasing or destructive ways, ranging from flowers and a feather boa to a knife and a loaded pistol, on a table near her and invited the viewers to use them on her however they wanted. 

Initially, Abramović said, viewers were peaceful and timid, but it escalated to violence quickly. “The experience I learned was that … if you leave decision to the public, you can be killed… I felt really violated: they cut my clothes, stuck rose thorns in my stomach, one person aimed the gun at my head, and another took it away. It created an aggressive atmosphere. After exactly 6 hours, as planned, I stood up and started walking toward the public. Everyone ran away, escaping an actual confrontation.”

This piece revealed something terrible about humanity, similar to what Philip Zimbardo’s Stanford Prison Experiment or Stanley Milgram’s Obedience Experiment, both of which also proved how readily people will harm one another under unusual circumstances. 

This performance showed just how easy it is to dehumanize a person who doesn’t fight back, and is particularly powerful because it defies what we think we know about ourselves. I’m certain the no one reading this believes the people around him/her capable of doing such things to another human being, but this performance proves otherwise.”

Source: Facebook Sharing



{February 18, 2013}   the grand limitation of being human

the grand limitation of being human

(photo source: facebook sharing)



{February 4, 2013}   on missing out

i don’t understand people’s craze about capturing things because they don’t want to miss it. like sunsets. i mean, i get it if you loved a sight so much that you pounced on the opportunity to capture it so that you can revisit it at will in future. and i get it if you’re a photographer by occupation/passion. but all other people who take like a million pictures of EVERY scenery they come across – like, dude, get a life. you say you dont wanna miss it? you wanna preserve it? what for? do you realize how many sceneries you have missed already because you weren’t born then? do you realize that preserving every day in a number of ways is not really preserving anything for future generations because they will have their share of beautiful sceneries. this – this crazy snapping of things and environments – is only wasting your day, each day that you do this.

get a life. enjoy whatever comes your way for its sake, and for your own sake. it is for you to keep. sure take a snap or two, or a few. a handful of albums from your past are usually a nice thing to have around you. but know that that day was sent for you to enjoy, so live it, rather than waste time trying to capture it. capture it with your heart & soul, for the most part at least. and no matter how much you yearn for it to happen, sometimes, you just cant share everything you want to with everyone you want to, and you cant save everything. you cant save everything.

here is a little sunset for you: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151988291425647&set=vb.837380646&type=3&theater



{February 2, 2013}   on feminism

this post is inspired by certain life incidents that have often made me think to such an extent that it irritates the crap out of me. 

i’ve often been labelled a feminist. and it has, simply speaking, pissed me right off. the first time i got called a feminist i had to look the word up in a fat oxford dictionary. and from what i understood of the definition, i could not agree with myself being labelled as such in absolute terms. the next few times it happened happened after a long long break. during this break, i used to go to school where the uniform demanded that i be covered in loosely fitting clothes, a large dupatta and a scarf, (other facts of the context are that the school was co-ed, and that i used to be very active participant in competitions of almost every sort, especially sports). anyway, so the next time it happened i was 3 years into university, and at an internship, where the rest of the 6 interns were all girls and just one guy. it was this guy who called me a feminist, which made me stop whatever i was doing, taken slightly aback, and look at myself objectively. the only things i could come up with were that i was active, enthusiastic, and vocal about things i believed in. which i consider an incomplete definition of feminism.feminism Read the rest of this entry »



{January 27, 2013}  

there are two kinds of pain: one at the onset of injury, and the other throughout the healing process.

first the thorn pricks. then you have to pull it out.



{January 26, 2013}   On hard work and success
how hard work works

how hard work works

Successful people emphasize hard work. I was just wondering what hard work really meant, and came to the following conclusion, which i’d like to share with my readers because I wish someone had explained it to me:

Read the rest of this entry »



{January 14, 2013}   “Because if we …

“Because if we are busy hiding what we have done, it leaves us vulnerable to anyone who discovers our secrets. And we become so consumed with keeping them that it is a slippery slope to doing even worse things.”



picture credit: copyright LA TimesSo they ask me, in shock, whether i even know what piercing in the west stands for. Well, do you know what black nail paint with dark eye makeup stands for in the west? Get a life man. Why don’t you ask what piercing means when you get your nose pierced? You got the top of your ear pierced thus looking life a wannabe elf, i got my lip pierced. Same difference. Suck it. Read the rest of this entry »



{September 4, 2012}   World Hijab Day… _|_

Warning/Disclaimer: those who may take offense to use of explicit terminology and a bit of venting by way of using swear words (if any), are advised not to venture further, or keep their reaction to these things to themselves.

So now religious extremists have started suckling on the idea of making hijab compulsory for the women in the (oh so) Islamic Republic of Pakistan. According to those in favor of the new World Hijab Day (in Pakistan only, btw?), hijab is the only protection against inviting stares, gazes, oggling, and other forms of eve-teasing women. Also, according to these oh-so-saintly guardians of Islam, by making hijab compulsory in this country, all evil emanating due to the existence of female boobs and ass and skin and whatever your sick mind can fantasize about, to which the attention is apparently attracted by way of uncovered hair or face, will forever be eradicated.

[Sidenote: The female body structure was also Allah’s creation. Every body part has a function, and yes I can go so biology on you.]

Sorry suckers, but I shall openly disagree with this premise. For several reasons. Read the rest of this entry »



{August 25, 2012}   of men and women

Phyl: Ok I’m confused. You’re saying that if she tells me she has a problem, I’m not supposed to help her?

Woman 1: Not unless she asked for your help.

Phyl: But if she lets me help her I can make her problem go away.

All the women in the parlor: Aaahhh haha. That is such a male thing to say.

Phyl: Well forgive me for being a male.

Woman on left: When you say “Do this,”, or “Do that,” all she’s hearing is “I’m smarter than you.”

Phyl: Believe me she doesn’t think that.

Woman on left: Mm-mm. She doesn’t want you to solve her problems. She just wants you to give her support so she can solve her problems herself.

Woman on right: Yes, and sometimes, sometimes she wants a sympathetic ear.

Phyl: Whoa…whoa.. Maybe it’s all the creams but that just made sense, girlfriends. So if Claire says, “I hate getting stuck in traffic,” I shouldn’t say, “Maybe you should leave earlier,”

Woman on right: No.

Phyl (continuing): Or “Don’t get on the freeway,” I should just say, “I know, that’s so frustrating”

All the women in the parlor: Yes, that’s it!

Phyl: Really

All the women in the parlor: Yes! Yes!

Phyl: And if she says, uh, “The waiter I had today was so rude,” I shouldn’t say, “Maybe you should just order something on the menu for once,”

Woman in front of him: No.

Phyl (continues): I should just say, “What a jerk!”

All the women in the parlor: Yes! Yeah! Yay!

Phyl: And if she says, “Phyl, the TV’s driving me crazy,” I should just say, “I know, there is just not enough quality programming for women”

All the women in the parlor: No!!

Woman on right: Turn off the damn TV.

Phyl: Ok, now I’m confused again.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

The above is an almost accurate transcript from one of these TV shows I’m watching these days. There are several reasons I felt the need to go through the trouble of transcribing it and put this up here. Read the rest of this entry »



{August 19, 2012}   to be continued…

This post has been inspired by quite a few incidents, both in real life, as well as in stories I’ve read or heard about or seen in pieces of fiction based on real life. It addresses several issues, such as the insensitive double standards of women, especially those in the conservative (read backwards) setting of our culture, or the irrational expectations people (in general) have from other people (read every single person they come into contact with). Read the rest of this entry »



{November 23, 2011}   Namazi…

Main namaz nahin parhti. Bhool gayee hoon kaise parhte hain.

Lekin mujhe iss baat ki sharmindagi bhi buhut hai.

Ho sakta hai shaitan isi sharmindagi ko istimaal kar k mujhe namaz parhne se aur rok raha hai, aur yeh cycle isi tarha chal rahi hai.

Lekin mera bhi kuch kam qusoor nahin. What’s stopping me from saying my prayers? What’s stopping me from re-learning, especially when I know that the last time it took me hardly 3 days to re-learn.

Har roz main niyyat karti hoon k iss baar when I am home for the whole day, I will take out my class 9 Islamiyat book and see how prayers are said, and then will start saying my prayers. Come that day and I need to catch up on my sleep and do my laundry and what not. Come that night, the circle of guilty planning begins yet again. And there goes another week, another month, another season, another Ramadan.

Iss baar tou rozay bhi chhoot gayay thhay mujh se, I was not well at all, was on pills for blood deficiency and what not, couldn’t walk the length of my house from drawing room to bedroom without beginning to pant – i was basically 92. I kept telling myself I’ll pick up from the end of Ramadan once I get back into my routine of the workaholic life I love, running around, meeting fast approaching deadlines, getting work done. It din’t happen.

Part of the reason I do not pray is also the fact that I face a lot of contradiction in my mind about the balance which one can or must strike between, say, listening to music, and praying. I guess what I’m trying to say is that when I think of saying my obligatory prayers, I get ashamed of the Maliha who loves to sing, sings, loves to act, acts, hangs out with mixed sex company, covers her head not. And that when I say my prayers, or when I used to, I felt ashamed of this Maliha. And that when I sang, or acted, or laughed with a male friend, or wore clothes to look and feel good, I felt ashamed of the Maliha standing in the corner, eyeing me so intensley as if ripping my clothes off, questioning my lack of practice of saying my prayers.

Another reason I feel unable to pray was that I felt that I turned to prayer only when in trouble or pain. Only when I wanted something only He could give me. So part of my guilt also told me I had no right to pray when I pray only selfishly.

So the other day, after a million or so days of contemplation as to which road I should choose, as to whether there is a possible balance which I could strike, as to whether striking such a balance is the right way to go or not – I started talking to God. Every day I used to ask Him to make me stronger enough in my intention to be able to put it to practice. Every other day I asked Him to help me make room in my busy schedule for that Islamiyat book and its chapter on namaz.

It did not work. For a long time. While on the one hand shaitan is to be blamed, I am no less guilty. I allowed shaitan to keep me from my duty, from my right to worship whom I please.

But the guilt was killing me. So I tried to talk to God yet another time. And this time, He gave me an answer.

I asked him to make me pray. He guided me that praying is not something at odds with music, or with feeling happy, or with laughing. If nothing at all, it was a way of thanking Him for all that I have. And I have a lot.

I may not have my music classes, I may not have a family that understands and lets me understand that music or acting or taking time out formyself does not mean I’m an awara besharam larki in the wrong culture. But I have education, I have the ability to comprehend, I have the kind of family who would at least hear me out (the number of times and ways i need to talk to them is another issue), I have friends, I have information, I have passion.

And I am thankful to the One and Only – Allah.

And though I have yet not started saying my prayers, or picked up that Islamiyat book, I know I am one real strong and big step closer to that. I’m almost there, God, I’m almost there. I can do it, I promise You, but I can’t do it without you. So don’t take my life yet, grant me the opportunity to take the few mroe small steps left over, and make this part of my routine. I know it is for my own benefit.



When I first sat down to pen these thoughts, it was coincidentally the time when Veena Malik was quite famous for the fatwa that mufti was dying to pass on her and how she stood her ground and the whole debate. My inspiration to pen them down, however, were my own experiences and mental debates.

There have been times when people have told me off for my interest in music, or my tendency towards acting, or my higher level of ease and comfort with and in the company of guys as compared to girls, and my natural need to hang out with guys cos they do not spend every second of their company bitching, but know how to chill having left all their worries behind them in that moment of company. Read the rest of this entry »



{January 19, 2011}   of dropping…dead..

it was always like this.

he always judged her. they always judged her.

they told her she could do better.

she knew this. but, Read the rest of this entry »



{September 28, 2010}   fear of the unknown

This is another one of those stories i which i decided i will share with you, dear readers 🙂 so happy learning!


So there was once this man, who was getting old, kind of, and thus had a weakening eye-sight, among other things. Read the rest of this entry »



{September 23, 2010}   whattay boing i be

I recently burned up a whole box of matches Tom’n’Jerry style (will look for a picture or a video if I can and will upload it in this post for your reference and to add entertainment value to this post at the cost of my sometimes-clumsy being) :p

It would have been funnie had i not burned my hand in the process. And in retrospect, now that the pain/burn is gone, it is funie, so all good, hehe



{December 26, 2009}   December 24th 2009

And I realized, with the help of a close friend, that everyone picks who they want to be. Being nice was my thing. Being an asshole who thinks so highly of himself just because he has a different life, was his thing. Read the rest of this entry »



Some people think so much of themselves, they hardly leave any room for others to think (much) of them.



{July 17, 2009}  

If you let them know what you want, they’ll make sure you go through hell to get it, if at all.



{June 16, 2009}   Calling all Pakistanis…?

They say you should not wash your dirty linen in public.

When a couple is newly married, they are religiously trained by others to keep things under control and married life happy by trying to resolve as many husband-wife issues as possible between the two and keep all bad tastes hidden from the world.

And many such examples.

Why then, do we as a nation not follow this smiple piece of advice? Why are we the first to splash blood and gore that results in our house (country) all over TV screens? Why does the enthusiasm of our TV channels to be the “first” ones to have “exclusively” captured the news (which ironically is splashed over all news channels) blind us to the fact that we as a nation are wasing out dirty linen in public? Do you see India doing that? They are the most similar nation to us, we can and should adopt their posiotives. Do we see China doing that? They are another neighbor we should learn from. We should learn from Iran if noone else!! That is one nation that i believe has the most to offer us in terms of how to live proper-er life.

Whenever there is a bomb blast (and that is the ‘in thing’ these days), we see our economists to financial gurus to politicians pointing fingers at each other rather than do something constructive. In fact, they actually plant bombs themselves and reach there in time to diffuse it and then propagate the efficiency of their political parties. (Ref. Yesterday’s example – read today’s paper).

whenever there is a new budget, we are the first ones to point fingers at others’ flaws, rather than have done our own job propoerly.

And all this is happening on around 5-10 channels simultaneously, most of which, if not all, are being aired internationally.

Why?



{June 14, 2009}   make up your mind already

so there’s this guy who went to jail for some crime and his punishment was either eat a hundred of the strongest onions or take a hundred lashes. He opted for the onions, and after two three he decided it wasn’t as easy as he thought, so he said he’d like to switch. They let him switch but after a few lashes he couldn’t take it anymore and fainted. He asked to switch back and was allowed. But after a few more onions he could see he was crying that hard from the strong onions. So he opted back for the remaining lashes. And so he kept alternating between the remaining onions and then the remaining lashes, and thus ended up with both punishments!



I searched online, and found a few tips on how to be the right kinda bitchy when the need arises. Exactly what im looking for. Here these tips are, and i will keep updating this post.

There’s something  here: http://cosmo.intoday.in/cosmopolitan/story.jsp?sid=6748

grumpy

Then there’s something i found on http://www.toptipsforgirls.com/tip/how_to_get_revenge_on_a_bitchy_bitchy_person_and_ignoringit_didnt_work/13380/

and here is what it says:

The next time this person says something bitchy to you, throw it back at her. I don’t mean insult her, but call her on it. As in “You know, it doesn’t take any less effort NOT to be bitchy.” The best way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them, call them on what they are doing and don’t back down.

and

A simple “My aren’t we being rude/grumpy/bitchy today!” has worked for me in the past or a “I see you are flexing your inner bitch/inner witch today, well done!” or “I see your parents forget to teach you any manners and social skills” don’t shout it, but say it loud enough so you can be heard – hopefully by a few people including your bitchy bitchy person. Good luck.

 

I think the first step to being bitchy is to be selfish and think of the self first. Given that almost everyone is out to do that anyway, even if it means trampling on others’ rigths and feelings, it shouldn’t be that bad to ‘get started’ at least. Lie that you dont have what a bitchy person asks you for, like a pen, then take one out ans start using it in front of them. Call someone right after you told this bitchy person you don’t have credit when they asked you for some. Meet their eye, let them say hi, then ignore them totally. Meet their eye, let them know you’re looking at them, then bend toward a friend on your side and say something, then look back at them (the bitchy person), laugh at appropriate intervals and times. Say oh hey, i like what you’re wearing, i bought my driver’s daughter the exact same thing cos it’s just so cute – or something like that; say this to people who deserve this of course. Do this to people who do this to others without them deserving it. Hang up on them or walk away mid-converstaion.

I guess little things ike this will keep them from picking on you as often as they would have otherwise. Just need to be creative i guess.



It’s like this. You are living in a huge huge bubble. It rolls and you keep bouncing in it, up and down you know. As you grow up, the bubble-ball you live in seems to get smaller, and so you begin to notice all the other people that live in the same bubble too. (Because there is only one bubble). And that’s when you realize that you should’ve been a little more cautious, because the people you’re discovering now, are somehow related to you and can have an influence on the rest of your life. And whoops if you made that one little mistake you did along the way as you grew up in this bubble.

Note: I came up with a similar thing which I will write about shortly: the bubble theory



{May 31, 2009}  

The past firmly belongs in the past.



{December 30, 2008}   the butterfly’s struggle

Another one of them stories. This too is from one of my readings.

__________________________________________________

There was once a man who noticed a cocoon moving. He’d never seen a butterfly break out of its cocoon and start its new life, so he decided to observe the birth of a butterfly. He waited for the butterfly to make its way out of its cocoon, spread its colorful wings, and fly away before his eyes. But it seemed to be stuck.

For quite a bit he waited for the creature to break out of its prison, but it seemed to be fidgeting in efforts that all went futile. Finally, he could take it no longer: out of impatience, he ook out a pair of scissors and cut the coccoon open, allowing the butterfly to stumble out.

The man was pretty dazzled with the colors and patterns on the petal like wings of the fresh butterfly.

He waited or it to spread its wings. It did.

He waited for it to take a flight. It didn’t.

Its wings had not yet developed the strength to carry its weight as it flew in its new life. All because the man, out of his impatience, had cut its struggle (of freeing itself from its cocoon) short in trying to help it.

The lesson i learnt from this anecdote is simple: sometimes, no matter how much it hurts us, we must let our loved ones go through their share of hardships; it is better for them that way. (These loved ones often include offspring, but equally often include friends we come to become so fond and protective about).



et cetera
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