mal’s Weblog











{January 19, 2011}   of dropping…dead..

it was always like this.

he always judged her. they always judged her.

they told her she could do better.

she knew this. but, she told them, she wanted to make her own mistakes, climb her own ladder.

they understood not. they looked down upon her for not starting at the top, where her potential lay. she knew where her potential lay. but she wanted to travel there, and through there too, not mere land there.

they understood this not.

they understood her not.

they said she was capable of much more, that she was capable of much more, that she deserved better.

she knew this. always.

her only issue was that where everyone can get their choice, why not her?

perhaps it is stupid to know you are better than what you are opting for. but if the heart’s just not in it, why not to hell with it? others can always see you better than you can yourself, she understood and accepted this. but others are not you. others will not derive half the satisfaction from seeing you do what they want you to (even if your best interest is at their heart), than you would from doing what you want. what she wants.

why cant they get this?

why cant he get this? despite having had the same conversation four times already.

every time it is the same sequence of events. planning, excitement, preparation, by her. information, to him, to them. judgment on their part. loss of motivation on her part. sh screwing things up herself. every time. every. single. time.

why can’t they just be happy for her in the things that make her happy?

you know your child will probably get bad teeth from eating too much chocolate. but if the child knows this, and is asking for way less than “too much” chocolate, you let your child have that. for the smile on your child’s face, for the knowledge that your child was made happy by that not too much chocolate.

she is not any different from a child. she is your child. be happy for her goddamit. let her have what she wants.

you judge every time. you stop her every time. you are the reason she is starting now when she should have made a place by now. you are the reason she doubts herself. you are the reason she stops every time from taking the next step.

just stop.

just…stoppp.

from today onwards, you have officially lost the right to judge her, the right to make her do things she dint want to. you have lost the right to guide her to such an extent that she feels like you find it more important for her than she finds it for herself. well guess what – she knows better: you do not; you CAN not. so just back off.

if you care for her, you’d do what she does for you: guide, not force.

so thats exactly what happened the other day: she shared with him/them, they judged, she got pissed, lost all motivation. told them she mattered most to herself, and she would not listen to reason. they made a face, they gave their two cents quite righteously, he turned away. and she…she lost all will, and just dropped…dead.

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