mal’s Weblog

{January 2, 2011}   failure to belong

i dont belong anywhere
i realized this while watching this drama serial today, i’ve been serialstreaming it for the past couple of days now
it showed me how family cares for family, sitting by their side, worrying for them, crying for them in front of each other, being open with each other
i have different ways of being family
i then allowed my mind to wander around those dark areas where my ideal definitions of things in life hover
neither on ground, nor on their feet
but they’re all the same
and i realize i cant hang out with friends like normal people
i will forever be the silent one
the one not so proactive
the one who does not get the meaning of so many things
the one who finds so much to be so pointless it silences her
i cannot hang out with people i myself call friends and find common ground
i cannot hang out with them and share their reasons for laughter
neither with them, nor with family
neither with mine, nor with family’s
and i come to the conclusion yet again
full circle
i dont belong anywhere

what say you?

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