mal’s Weblog











{November 30, 2010}   i dont laugh

it’s only with you that i laugh

with all others i realize i pretend

and even with you i’m open because

there had to be one before who i could let my guard down

a bit

but here i am

confessing

that i pretend

with all

with all i meet

and with all i am

i’m not exactly sure whether i feel i connect

with people i call friends

with people i call family

i think i do

but then i tell myself “who am i kidding”

there’s that one bit of truth just not happening

a part of me always empty

a part of me always questioning

questioning myself

questioning my happiness

am i guilty?

of what?

am i scared?

of what?

or have i just not learned?

i feel i haven’t

which my mind tells me is weird

unacceptable behavior

impossible to happen

how can i not have learned to laugh?

or maybe i did

no wonder i can pretend

with most of them

and the tragedy is

i feel i sometimes do

even with you

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