mal’s Weblog

{May 31, 2009}  

since i’ve recently graduated, i have time he time at hand. so, to get certain things off my chest, (which i wasn’t allowed to share with those concerned, by the other half), i will write them here.

If for four years i’ve been so damn loyal so as to have taken others’ shit personally for these people, and my voicing issues has been falling on deaf ears (“friends complain/bring it up, you know” – well i did, countless times, and frankly, i was pacified by emotional crap), i believe i have a right to change company, and if voicing those issues where everyone else is discussing it causes the high and mighty, self-proclaimed royals to think i’ve been a “back stabber” and “have no life so to speak of” and i “have no conscience to speak of” because they have been “protecting” me from “shit people have been saying” about me, then:

one – i have no conscience to speak of? yes well maybe cos i chose to decline the offer to join in the exclusivity, and maybe cos i’m not the one jis ne ‘chaar saal main chaar party-aan (parties) badli hain’ as someone i talked to put it in perspective for me

two – you cant have been protecting me from shit people have been saying about me cos if you were protecting me you’d have told me about it as it happened rather than later, when chapters were closed and things buried and matters resolved. you should’ve stood up to people then and there rather than save the “shit” for a time when you could say “we’ve been protecting you against shit people have been saying about you”

three – so much for the shit they’ve been saying about me: i dont care about the whole world, and those who matter dont need explanations cos they’ve been in it since forever. secondly, no matter what the shit, nobody has had the guts to say it to my face, while you guys? you guys have had people laughing in your face, insulting you to your face without any hesitation. it’s like the whole of iba against you 10-15 people, while all those who have been involved in “spreading rumors about me” and crap – never has anyone dared to come say it to my face.

beat that.

i wonder why no one ever had the guts to say it to my face. is it because those rumors were indeed rumors and bitchy gossip at the end of those who need to talk about others to feel better about their own relatively worthless lives? or is it that the stuff that people can say to your face actually existed and you cant take your own loyal friends to finally give up on you cos they cant bother being dragged in it for you since you think a little too highly of yourself, and so you go on trying to unearth non-existent or fictional skeletons?

how sick can you get?

It’s like this. You are living in a huge huge bubble. It rolls and you keep bouncing in it, up and down you know. As you grow up, the bubble-ball you live in seems to get smaller, and so you begin to notice all the other people that live in the same bubble too. (Because there is only one bubble). And that’s when you realize that you should’ve been a little more cautious, because the people you’re discovering now, are somehow related to you and can have an influence on the rest of your life. And whoops if you made that one little mistake you did along the way as you grew up in this bubble.

Note: I came up with a similar thing which I will write about shortly: the bubble theory

{May 31, 2009}  

The past firmly belongs in the past.

et cetera
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